Ira Miller, director of youth programs at Washington Hebrew Congregation in Washington, D.C., sat down with five of his students—not to talk about sex—but to talk about talking about sex. At Washington Hebrew, ninth-graders take part in a special “sexuality retreat” (a Jewish view of love, sex and marriage) to talk, listen, ask questions and have them answered. This retreat, led by Washington Hebrew clergy and educators in partnership with sex educators and therapists, leaves no stone unturned. It provides a safe and positive environment to talk about everything from biology and anatomy to intimacy, relationships and the Jewish values involved in our own sexuality.

Before talking with the teens, Ira had a few words with their parents to find out what their views were on the subject. Read on for their honest conversation. To hear what the teens thought about their parents’ opinions, check out the Roundtable in the July/August 2008 Love/Sex issue of JVibe.

Do you personally try to help educate your children about sexuality and/or safe sex?
NANCY ROSS, mother of 16-year-old Josh: I’m the type of parent who never stops talking about it, and my kids wish I would stop!

FAYE LEVIN, mother of 16-year-old Lexi: Yes, we talk frankly quite often.

JERI GELB, mother of 14-year-old Julie: Yes.

DEBBIE DICK, mother of 15-year-old Julia: Yes. We have dinner-table discussions regarding sex, safe sex and questions or concerns that arise for both us as parents and our children.

SARAH KANDEL, mother of 15-year-old Zack: Yes, we talk very openly about everything, and sex is not off-limits.

Where do you think your child realistically gets most of his or her information about sex?
DEBBIE: I know that as adolescents and teens, our children are exposed to a lot of info via the media (movies, TV, books, magazines, advertising), their friends and their education. I think that peers and siblings are also primary conduits for information. This does not mean that all of the info they receive is accurate. For our children, I’m hopeful that much of this information has come from me and my husband.

FAYE: From their school and their friends, but both our kids share their information with us.

SARAH: Friends, home and school.

NANCY: I would like to think from me, but realistically I think the kids get bombarded from movies, TV, books and their friends.

JERI: [It’s a] combo—friends, [us] and school.

Sex is a topic widely covered in magazines and films, and talked about in sex education in schools and on the Internet. But should it be? Why or why not?
SARAH: Kids always have questions and are curious about sex. They should be able to find answers where they can, as long as the information is accurate.

JERI: In schools, definitely yes! I think there is too much exposure on TV that kids, especially young kids, get that is not fact-based. I guess I am OK with most any sex education that is age-appropriate and not biased in any way.

DEBBIE: I think it is important for our children to be educated about sex. By ignoring the topic, our children are left to fill in the gaps themselves, which can lead to risky behavior. I think that any exposure to sex education needs to be monitored, accurate and age-appropriate, no matter the conduit. 

FAYE: Yes—information is good. That being said, I do wish TV, movies and music were not quite as “out there” during prime time as they are. But since our kids are exposed to this in the media, I think it is very important for family, school and temple to try and inform this knowledge with values. 

NANCY: I have no problem with the topic being widely covered—it can open up discussions between parents and their kids. But I don’t think magazines, films, school education, etc., can teach the values you want your children to have, plus they don’t usually portray the emotional and physical consequences of such intimacy.

Where do you want your child to receive information about sex and safe sex?
FAYE: Home and school are my first choices, but I’ll take whatever sticks.

JERI: Ideally, home and school. Other fact-based avenues are fine too, like a magazine.

NANCY: From [us], books and certainly schools. I think our temple retreat on sexuality and safe sex covers the topic in a way that makes it comfortable for both the kids and parents.

SARAH: As long as the information they receive is accurate, I don’t care where it comes from. Sex should be one of those things that kids feel comfortable talking about. It should not be taboo. 

DEBBIE: From responsible sources, such as well-informed parents and educators. 

Would you let your child read an article relating to sex in a values-based magazine like JVibe?
SARAH: Yes, absolutely.

FAYE: Absolutely, particularly since they are constantly exposed to the subject elsewhere, without any talk of values. 

NANCY: Yes.

DEBBIE: If JVibe’s values are similar to mine, then yes.

JERI: Yes.

For more information on making smart choices about sex, please visit stayteen.org.

Ira Miller runs the youth groups and retreat programs (he’s had the privilege of staffing the sexuality retreat six times!) at Washington Hebrew Congregation. He’s also a huge music lover and promoter of up-and-coming bands.